Wonderings...

This week didn't start great.  Occasionally I struggle with my place in life, it is difficult to try and live a life true to yourself, a life that is full of the whimsical, and I guess, eccentric.  People don't understand it, they feel uncomfortable with the idea of not acting "like a grown-up".  I get strange looks when I explain that I spend my spare time creating dolls or holding imaginary tea parties.  They comment that I must have too much time on my hands or wonder what I could hope to get out of it, what value does it have on normal life.

I'm not interested in climbing the corporate ladder.  Yes I have ambitions but they involve carving out a life for myself that is full of imagination and respectful of others and the Earth, not working longer hours, filling in more spreadsheets and losing more money to the tax man.

The daily grind of travel to and from a dark, grey and joyless office leaves me feeling tired and lack lustre.  I struggle to sum up the energy I want so that I can fully immerse myself in my home life and the artistic world I am creating.  So I crawl wearily into my bed, upset with myself and the world for another day that has passed by unfulfilled, it's potential for greatness not reached.  I sleep badly and then I get up...... the circle starts again.

Today, however, I took the time to read the daily inspiration note from the Universe I get via my e-mail from TUT (Totally Unique Thoughts).  This is what it said:

"You're going to miss the slow times and quiet days, Rachel. Your anonymity, stealth, and small circle of friends. Plodding along at your own pace, working in spurts, and wondering where your next break will come from. Even your uncertainties, doubts, and fears will be missed.

It just works like that once massive dreams start coming true.

You'll manage just fine,
    The Universe"

Yes, it might be auto-generated and yes the Universe doesn't really converse with me via e-mail but it was what I needed.  It reminded me of why and more importantly it made me smile.

Thank goodness for that.

Comments

Rachel, I loved reading this. It´s exactly how I feel too. You really give expressions to my feelings. I often feel very `odd´ and `strange´ among a lot of people. When I tell them that this weekend I will dress up as the fairy Clavia or as the vampire Saga Elvira Nordstjärna, I often get a strange look and then people nod and continue talking about the subjects that interests them. A good thing is that I have managed to get most of these kinds of people out of my life- I am extremely careful who I spend time with. So this rarely happens to me any more, but when it happens it makes me feel, well, unhappy.
And what you write about climbing the career ladder- I feel exacly like you. In this society so many people seem to think that where you are on a career ladder is something that gives you as a person value. I have no interest in career at all. In fact, I would rather be a strawberry seller than to be in what we in Sweden often call `the career wheel´.
I love that Totally Unique Thoughts - I'd never heard of it before! I'm going to subscribe but I'm going to choose to believe that the daily notes are NOT auto-generated and the universe really IS conversing with me personally. :D
Dear Rachel,
I can totally relate to what you are saying about having to explain yourself and justify how you spend your time. There are very few people who don't require that of me (I'm so lucky that my husband is one of them!) and I'm still learning to how to not care so much what the rest think!

Thank you for your sense of wonder about the world and for spending time making dolls and creating imaginary tea parties! I feel like I am in great company!

Look forward to seeing you at The Tearoom next week,

Betty
Victoria Stitch said…
i am TOTALLY with you on the second paragraph! why waste time making lots of money in a boring job in order to live so that you can just go on making more money in a boring job. I mean I know we have to eat but I think there's a balance. It's hard for creative people I think... But at least we all understand eachother!
Jennifer said…
I do recall you comforting me this Summer when I was struggling with something similar. Working an office job (I'm a uni student during the year) was SO painful for me. I was actually developing depression and dread having to sit in that dull grey office from day to day. I called in sick more times than I can count and I don't think I made the best name for myself. Retreating to my colourful whimsical world was my only escape, and I treasured reading blog posts during that time period. I hate how people say "do what you love and money will come." In these times, that's just not true is it? All I can say is I know how you feel. You're not alone! Don't shroud yourself in the darkness and doldrums like the others. Allow yourself to be the bright and shining light that you are. People don't know what they're missing! Why would anyone want to be a grownup ;)
Charlotte said…
I'm 3 weeks late reading this and hope the universe is continuing to send you messages to make you smile (by generated e-mail or not ;)).

The sad thing is most of the people passing judgement on the lives of others are the ones that are truly lost and unhappy with what they do. I have only once let my self bow to the conformity that I must want to carve a career for myself and trying to fit myself to that mould broke me. Ironically the lady who convinced me I needed to grow up and take that particular job is now fighting out of her employ to do something less conventional. Listen to your own voice, it will always be true to you.

I don't know how your crafty endeavours are coming along but as soon as you fancy another fair or market let me know so we can get your fablous creations out there for others to enjoy x

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